So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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