can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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