i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
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He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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