My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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