i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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