I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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