i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize