i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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