Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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