Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize