literally had 100 drinks last night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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