So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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