i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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