So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize