So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
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i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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