2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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