I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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