yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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