Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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