Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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