I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He? As in you personified your dick?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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