for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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