I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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