I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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