you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize