batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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