ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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