just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize