I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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