A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
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I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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