sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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