apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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