we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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