I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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