On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
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When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
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I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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