I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize