Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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