just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
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all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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