Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I sprained my soul last night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
