i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
