I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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