genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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