did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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