So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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