MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize