I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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