You smell like stripper and shame
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize