So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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