so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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