No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it because I queefed?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize