her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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